How To Build and Keep Resilience, Especially During COVID-19

Resiliency is the strongest attribute we can develop and possess that will help us to be successful during the social distancing and quarantine during COVID-19. Resiliency allows us to feel a sense of capability and strength during difficult times. Resiliency protects us from vulnerability, and vulnerability can make the process of managing this pandemic much more difficult.

Dr Bruce Perry studies stress and resilience and recently put out an education on the Neurosequential Network on how to maintain resilience in the face of the COVID-19 pandemic. His suggestions are below, with suggestions added in brackets:

Have daily structure (daily routine like bathing, getting dressed, movement)

Eat with others (even if over video or phone)

Limit media exposure to what is happening in the world

Exercise regularly (stretching, yoga, walking, home workouts)

Reach out to others (call, write letters, video call, send photos, etc)

Help others (get their groceries for them, or mow their lawn, say hello from a distance)

Engage in sleep hygiene (regular sleep pattern and ways to develop good sleep)

Have a positive, future focused view of the world, others and yourself (this is not forever, things will be different)

Have connectedness:

Conduct meaningful work in your days (do anything that has meaning for you)

Secure income (apply for EI or emergency funding, work from home, organize finances)

Secure housing (talk with the bank or your landlord if you need financial help to keep your housing secured if you are struggling with financial changes at this time)

Keep cultural connections (watch meetings online, continue with cultural practices)

Mainstream culture & ethnicity (stay connected with your community as you are able)

Safe and stable family (take breaks from each other, breathe when feeling emotions rising)

Safe and stable community (join local activities such as making masks of medical staff, cheer at 7pm, put hearts on your windows for others to see)

An important way to build and keep resilience is to develop a lifestyle that can be predictable, moderate and controllable to manage the impact of stress from the world.

If you are struggling with gaining or maintaining any of these aspects, please reach out to others who may be able to assist you, or feel free to connect with me on my ‘Contact Me’ page for support.

Source from: https://www.neurosequential.com/covid-19-resources

How To Get Through Quarantine and Social Distancing

Hello all!

 

It’s been a while since my last post- yikes! I have to stay, I did a few things at that time…

1. When I posted last about using extended health benefits for counselling, I so appreciated your calls about how to use your benefits! Hearing from folks about what their benefits look like and how to make the most of them was heartwarming. I’m glad this was helpful for you.

2. I also reviewed my previous posts and really was excited to create another vision board. On my vision board I really prioritized more time with people and less on the computer- and that’s exactly what I did!

Now, with how the world is, I felt drawn to come back to blogging to send all of you information I have been gathering to help us all during this COVID-19 pandemic. I hope that the next few posts are helpful for you in navigating through this worldly experience.

 

If anyone is like me out there, you may have already cleaned to bathroom, did the laundry, swept the floors and washed the dishes. Now what? Netflix for 8 hours? It’s week 2 of social distancing and there’s only so many times to see Netflix asking if you are still watching, or wash the same cup.

At this time, we have been told that we have weeks if not months of social distancing, so why not have a plan or at least a list of suggestions of things to do when feeling lost on what to do next?

Here is a list of ideas I’d like to offer you to help you do well as we go through the next while supporting the efforts to manage the COVID-19 pandemic.

Go for a walk

Kick the ball in the yard or local park

Do a free workout at home

Do a free yoga session at home

Stretch

Sit in the sunshine

Mow the lawn

Garden

Plant flowers

Sweep the porch

Rearrange the furniture if your house

 

Read a book or magazine

Learn something new

Sew, knit, crochet

Do a puzzle

Play a board game

Play a card game

Have a dance party in your house

Make a fort in your living room

Do a face mask

Massage your hands or feet with lotion

Paint your nails

Practice a new hair style

Do your taxes

Take a free online course

Take an online tour of the world and space

Watch a live animal camera

Watch an online concert

 

Dust

Organize a shelving unit

Organize your clothing drawers

Clean your closet(s)

Change over clothing in closet

Organize Tupperware

Clean out the ‘junk drawer’

Organize the dry food cupboards

Clean out the fridge

Clean the oven

 

Paint a wall

Frame some photos

Hang artwork

Make something new

Do a craft

Colour a colouring book

Send a letter to someone

Make something for someone else

Bake, or cook

Have a bath or long shower

Call a friend or family member

Video chat with a loved one, or group of loved ones

Play online games with others

Look at old photos

Organize photos for a photo book

Listen to a podcast

Clean up your email inbox

Make a vision board

Watch some inspiring videos, like a TedTalk

Practice mindfulness

Give yourself compassion

Play brain games

Play an instrument

Journal your experience

Write poetry

Learn a language

 

Now this is just a small list of things to do while in quarantine or social distancing. Have any ideas of your own? Feel free to add in the comments below! Struggling with remaining home? I offer video and phone sessions to connect with you at home! Feel free to visit my ‘Contact Me’ page or give me a call!

New Year = New Benefits

New Year = new benefits banks available! Do you have Extended Health Benefits? Are you aware of how much you have allotted to you towards counselling? The beginning of the New Year can be a great time to work towards those new years goals you have set for yourself- especially when it comes to self-care and support – through counselling. It can be completed in 3 steps:

  1. Check with your Extended Health Benefits to see how much funding you have available towards counselling
  2. Check to see which types of professionals your Extended Health Benefits cover- many cover Registered Clinical Counsellors (RCCs), but some state that they only cover Registered Social Workers (RSW) and/or Registered Psychologists (R.Psych). Don’t worry if you don’t have coverage for a RCC- see below on how to get coverage!
  3. Find the counsellor you want to invest yourself with and give them a call for a consult or to schedule an appointment! Check out my Contact Me page to make your next step in scheduling an appointment with me!
  4. Once you have attended your first session, apply to your Extended Health Program for reimbursement of your payment!

Which Extended Health Programs currently cover RCCs (like me)?

Great West Life

Pacific Blue Cross

Sunlife Insurance

Green Shield Insurance

Employee Assistance Programs

*Family Assistance Programs

*Workers Compensation Board (WCB)

*Victim’s Assistance Services (call 604-660-3888 or toll free in BC at 1-866-660-3888 to enroll with CVAP)

* ICBC (if involved in a Motor Vehicle Accident causing anxiety and trauma you may get approval for counselling)

*= Companies require prior approval for funded counselling

So what happens if your Extended Health Benefits don’t cover RCCs (like me)? First is to contact your employer, Human Resources Department, or insurance company directly to request a small change to the plan’s coverage.  This isn’t difficult, doesn’t cost the employer anything, and at the same time increases your employee benefits (your benefits working for your needs).  Employers already pay for your benefits package and want you to use them and therefore like to increase the amount of benefits that their employees can access. Asking for a change in your plan also does not cost the employer any additional fee!  RCCs are also less expensive than Registered Psychologists- therefore allowing your dollars to go further!  Please use the link below to access a document with the information you will need to put into your own letter when making this request.

Letter for change in extended health benefitsDownload

So why not take advantage of the benefits that are waiting for you at the beginning of each new year? To get started on your next step, visit my Contact Me page to schedule your first appointment.

Getting Through the Holidays While Grieving

How do you get through the holidays while grieving? As 2018 is coming to an end, the Holiday Season approaches. In previous years, this might have been a time full of joy and excitement, gathering and festivities. This can be much different however when experiencing grief. The holiday season may instead be very overwhelming- perhaps even a dreaded nightmare. When someone has died in our life, it can take a great deal of time to adjust, and the first few years can be the hardest. My hope is that this list of activities and suggestions might be helpful for those of you who are dealing with your grief this holiday season, or for others who are supporting someone who is grieving.

For those who are grieving:

  • Make plans. Even if you feel as though you don’t want to, it is much easier to cancel on your plans last minute, than wish you had somewhere to go and you don’t. See if you can connect with someone close to you to make plans, with both of you knowing that if you are not feeling up to it, you may cancel last minute, and that’s ok.
  • Acknowledge the person who is missing from the holidays. Perhaps this is talking about them over the holiday meals, talking with others who knew them, or having a photo or item of theirs present during this time. Some people have saved that person’s seat at the table, or even placed a framed photo of them in their spot to keep their presence known.
  • Make their favourite meal. The holiday times tend to be filled with shared meals, and making your loved one’s favourite meal can be one way of bringing them to the festivities, and creating a space to remember them.
  • Go to their favourite place. Perhaps there was somewhere your person loved to be, or that reminds you of them. Maybe it is where their body or ashes lay, or where they loved to go when they were living. It can even be where you remember them in the home.
  • Play their favourite music, movie or tv show. Sometimes bringing out their favourite forms of entertainment can connect us to memories and to them.
  • Take time to think about them. Sometimes this is just what the mind, body and soul ordered. Time taken to just sit and think about them can remind us that the person who died, lived; and they mattered to you. Spending purposeful time thinking about them is very important in the grieving process, and doing so over the holidays can help to manage this season without them.

For those who are supporting someone who is grieving:

  • Make plans with the person who is grieving. They might be hesitant or even insistent that they don’t want to- I encourage you to offer an open invitation nonetheless.
  • Talk about the person who died. It can be hard for the grieving to bring up the person who died for many reasons. Perhaps they think no one wants to talk about it, fear that they might cry, or that others have moved forward with their lives. Starting the conversation can be very welcoming and can give permission to the grieving to talk about the person who died.
  • Offer to go with, or remind the grieving to go to their loved one’s favourite place, or where they lay. It might be comforting to have you attend, or to receive the reminder of where they can go to connect with their loved one.
  • Overall, meet the grieving where they are at. You may have many very helpful, heartwarming and open ideas to help them with the grief they may be feeling, but we as supporters cannot tell the grieving how to grieve – they are the ones who tell us how they are grieving and we need to listen to them.

Time for a Brief Vacation Break

Hello everyone!

 

Thank you for visiting my site and for connecting with me through my email list!

 

It has been quite the year so far! In order to  keep doing what I love to do (in life and through my practice of course!), I must spend time recharging- taking in some fresh air, sunshine and nature itself! I will be back soon to continue to support you. Therefore, I apologize for any delay in connecting with you, and responding to your contacts. I will be away November 7-26, 2018. If you are interested in services, please feel free to send contact through my Contact Me page, or through email.

 

I look forward to my return and to see you soon.

 

Take good care,

Devan

Teenage years and grief

Teenage years… full of exploration and self development, as well as more trials and tribulations that one may think they can get through. During this time, who we are as independent individuals is constantly revolving and changing until we find out who it is we want to be. For most, this can have a natural progression, winding its way to a more solidified sense of self coming into our mid 20’s. However, this can be severely stinted or halted if there is a significant death in the teen’s life during this developmental period. If a parent, sibling or significant friend dies during this stage of life, the stability and space to grow can be temporarily paused due to the impact of the loss. As someone in the teen’s life, you may see them regress to the last stage of development, you might see some acting out, or you might see the teen isolate or become quieter than before. As we are all humans, all expressions of grief will be different. One thing that has been prevalent in the work I have done with teens is honouring that their grieving process is slow. Because of the chaotic nature of the teen years, and the desire to fit in, teens have this innate ability to hold their grief for roughly two years (Yes, you read that correctly – TWO YEARS!). For those around the teen who has suffered the loss, behaviours or responses months or years down the road may seem abnormal or unexplainable to how they were functioning prior to the death. To help our teens during this time, the best thing anyone can do is love them and support them as best as possible. Keep them connected to those that love them, acknowledge that they are trying their best given the circumstances, and encourage them to connect with others in a healthy manner. In the event you are a teen or are someone supporting a teen who has suffered a loss, and are wanting some support, please visit my contact page to schedule an appointment.

Grief Letters

Have you tried journaling before? What about having a pen pal, writing To Do lists, or writing a long text/email to someone in your life? Do you organize your thoughts by writing things down in order to get them out of your head? Well what if I told you that if you wrote a grief letter, that it might help when trying to get all of those thoughts out of your head? Now grief letters can be used in many scenarios in our life. The most obvious is after someone in our life dies, but they are also incredibly helpful after a break-up, separation, or difficult time in a relationship (even with your work colleagues!). Let me tell you how this work… First thing to know: the letters do not need to be seen by anyone but yourself. Once the are completed, it is your choice as to what you choose to do with them. You can throw them out, shred them, burn them, crumple them up in a ball and throw them around the house, or leave them for anyone day. Second, there are two parts to writing grief letters. The first letter is addressed to the person you are needing to talk to, or are experiencing difficulties with. My suggestion here is that when you go to write it, be in a space without distraction. Be on your own, get comfortable, and spend some time doing it. There are no rules here. It can be as long or as short as you need; grammar doesn’t count, and through out the English teacher in your head. This letter is not to be judged for format, it is just meant to be a place for you to get your thoughts down on paper. Now comes the best part – start writing! Say what it is that you need to the person in your life that you are struggling with. When you are done. Take a moment. Breathe. This may have been quite emotional and taken a lot of energy. Now, when you are ready (this may be at the same time, maybe later in the day, or another day entirely), you begin your second part of the letter. The second letter is to yourself. Now this letter is addressed to you from yourself – to say all that you need to about what is going on, and exactly how you need to say it.  I encourage everyone of my clients to be kind here and to speak to yourself as though you were someone you love, because we can be particularly hard on ourselves – harder than we would be to anyone else in this world. When you are done this letter, you have finished the activity. Like before, I encourage you to take a breath and a moment to just pause. See how you feel, maybe talk to someone about it, or put it away and do something you enjoy to help create space. But be proud of yourself because this was A LOT of work! But it might have been enough to help you in your time of need for clarity. If you have experienced moments like these and feel that writing a grief letter might be helpful for you, I invite you to try it yourself, or connect with me to schedule an appointment, so I can be there to help you with your needs, and to help talk about the process once you have completed the letters.

What’s up with the 50-minute therapy hour?

So, what’s up with the 50-minute therapy hour? You have decided to go to counselling. You have called the clinician, scheduled an appointment, and go for your first appointment. During this time, you discover that your appointments are 50 minutes but it is called a therapy hour. How does this happen? An our is 60 minutes long but the therapy session is only 50 minutes… so what has happened the other 10 minutes? Well my hope here is that I can explain this process and help you understand a little more on why you are allotted a 50-minute counselling hour. Counselling sessions are scheduled in 50 minutes because of a few reasons

  1. We are human and sometimes run behind schedule. Yes – this happens regularly. Someone comes in for a session a few minutes late, or the appointment requires a few more moments of attention, or the session takes the full 50 minutes and now the client and clinician are just booking their next appointment. By having a 50-minute session, these things that cause us to run a few minutes behind allow for space for it to be done, without interfering with the next appointment.
  2. Each appointment with clients needs to be charted for legal and ethical reasons. While these are very minimal and short notes, there needs to be notes nonetheless. By having a 50-minute session with clients, it allows for the clinician to complete the client notes while the session is still fresh and present, ensuring more accurate notes as opposed to writing notes hours later.
  3. Time to clear the mind. As clinicians, we hear a lot of stories from clients daily and we make sure to keep each story connected to each client. To allow for this to happen however, we need to take a breath and organize our thoughts, clear our minds, and be ready for the next session.
  4. Basic human needs need to be met. Clinicians, just like you, are humans who need bathroom breaks and snacks. I can promise you that I, in particular, am not going to be on my A-game if I am needing to use the washroom during our entire appointment or having my stomach growing, and interrupting our time together.
  5. Time to make you a cup of tea! In my practice I enjoy offering each of my clients a cup of tea or glass of water for our session. I know I need something to drink over the period of an hour, and think that you might want that too! So, during those 10 minutes, it also allows me times to out the kettle on and have it boiled and ready for your appointment!

All in all, even though the counselling hour seems a bit strange that it is only 50 minutes, those 10 minutes in between sessions are vital for counsellors to have in order to keep each session running smoothly. It allows for clients to finish up what they came to talk about, for notes to be taken, clinicians to clear their minds, have clinicians meet their basic needs, and to keep a warm cup of tea available. Please understand that during our time together, I am making sure that I am able to be present for you during our time together and am utilizing the minutes wisely to keep me present. If you have any questions about the 50-minute hour, or would like to schedule one for yourself, please visit my contact me page to connect.

Who is in your support networks?

Support networks, who needs them, right? The answer here is we all do. We all need a network of people in our lives to help us in various ways. Here are just some examples throughout the life course: When we are infants, we needed caregivers to feed us, clothe us, and house us. We needed friends in elementary school to teach us how to share, interact and learn valuable life lessons (like sharing, compromise and working together). In high school we needed teachers to help us learn and develop or brain capacities, and we needed family and friends to help us feel connected, supported and worthy. As adults, we need some kind of employment to support our financial and basic needs (shelter, food, water, and safety), we need close, personal relationships to feel connection, worthiness and belonging, and we need a sense of hope and purpose to continue living. So, what happens when you are feeling that you are needing some support as a pick-me-up when you are struggling? If you haven’t noticed the similarities throughout the lifespan so far, let me give you a BIG hint- it’s people. We need people in our lives throughout our lifetime. We are incredibly social creatures who are not meant to travel this life on our own. So, who is in your support network? Who can you turn to when you are needing help in any way? Now, let me interrupt myself here and share that you CANNOT have one person who is there for absolutely all of your needs. We all need a lot of different kinds of help in life and they cannot all possibly come from one specific person. Why? It is too much pressure, work, responsibility and reliability on one person. Plus, what happens for you when that person is not available in your time of need, or (please forbid) that person has died and cannot be there any longer to support you in the ways that you need? We all need a lot of people in our lives for support. Think of it as a wheel. In the center is you, and around you are a list of situations and needs reaching out like arms from you. Watch a movie with, go for a walk with, travel with, talk on the phone with, cry with, sit in silence with, play a game or sport with, go shopping with, talk about your fears and concerns with, brain storm with, talk about your emotions with, talk about work with, etc., etc. etc. On the wheel, my hope is that you have numerous people that fit throughout the needs. Some people might repeat themselves on the list, you may even have multiple people on the same lie, and there might even be people missing from some lines because you haven’t realized that you don’t yet have someone to fill that need. This is all normal! Until we really look at our needs and the relationships we have, and maybe even the situations we have been in (maybe there are topics on the wheel you have yet to experience so you might not yet know who would be the person you turn to), we won’t know how much we are leaning on one (or a few) specific people to fulfill all of our needs. So, to try and avoid feeling a void later in life, when those people we lean maybe a little too much on are no longer available, why not look at what your support network looks like now and try to work on growing it in a way that you feel fills your needs best? If this is something you are interested, and would like support with, or to talk about further, please visit my contact me page to connect.

Are you interested in starting counselling?

Are you interested in starting counselling or therapy? Have you been feeling like there is a need for a change in your life and you would like someone to support you with that? Wondering how you even get started?

If you have had any of these thoughts then you are in the right place! Here are some of the things I encourage others to do before starting therapy:

  1. Know what you want to work on or what your goals are

Your first session in therapy will most likely be around setting goals – your therapist will be asking you questions about what brings you to counselling in order to h=better understand what is troubling you and what it is that you want to work on. By coming in with an idea of what it is that brings you to counselling, and what you want the end result to look like, the better developed your sessions will be with your therapist.

  1. Decide if you are paying privately or want to go through your extended health benefits

Finances are always important to consider when thinking about counselling. It will cost on average, between $110-$120 per session with a Registered Clinical Counsellor in BC, and $160+ per session for a Registered Psychologist. Counselling is absolutely an invest in yourself, but you need to decide for yourself, how you would like to go about doing it. I encourage each person who contacts me to check with their Extend Health Coverage through work or other funding, to see what is available to them for funded counselling, especially if finances are a consideration. If you are paying privately, make sure you also discuss your financial limits with your prospective counsellor in regards to the number of sessions you are willing to pay for and over what period of time.  This conversation can help structure your counselling sessions to a time frame that works for you, while not putting additional strain on your finances.

  1. Do your research to find possible counsellors

Not every counsellor is able to support every issue – each of us has strengths in particular areas that makes us better equipped to support you in your needs. Do your homework here. Look up counsellors in your area and who specialise in the topics you are most wanting to discuss. Finding a counsellor who has experience and knowledge in particular areas might be better able to support you and understand your struggles over a counsellor who has not experienced support others with that concern. My example here to help highlight this is that if you are an adult who is struggling with work stress, attending to a counsellor who specialises in children with developmental abilities might not be the best match. Do your research by searching those in your area and with one or more of the topics you want to address. Then check out their websites and online presence to see if you think they might be a good fi for you. Then give them a call or send an email to further discuss.

  1. Find a good fit

Just as we judge how we feel with others in our lives, you also need to judge how you feel with your counsellor. Once you have narrowed down the options for potential counsellors in your area, who specialize in what you are looking for, give them a call or send them an email (if available) and connect. Get a sense of who they are and if you feel that you would want to develop a professional relationship with them. Remember, your first impression here is what might set one counsellor a part from the rest. Go with the candidate that feels the best for you. Most counsellors will give you a free 15-minute phone consultation to help you determine if it is a good fit.

  1. Recognize that Rome wasn’t built in a day – and neither were you

Just like building a city, therapy is not going to solve the issue in the first session. Therapy can take a bit of time – you need to feel comfortable enough to share what is weighing on your heart and body, and you need to take time to practice the suggestions and concepts discussed in session. This here is where I would like to remind you to make sure that you are aware of the timeline/number of sessions you and your therapist agreed up at the beginning of your therapy. If you have a limited number of sessions, you may not be getting at the route of the issue but instead building strategies and tools to help you cope with the issue that brought you into counselling. Likewise, when you have time to spend working on the issue, you will have to first develop strategies to help you when you and your counsellor begin to work at the root of the issue, so that you can manage out in the wold in between sessions. This will all take time, but be patient with yourself. You are doing all the hard work.

  1. Only go because you want to

Counselling will only work if you want it to. Being forced to come to counselling when you are not open to it does not allow for change to occur. I believe that we will only change things when we want to, and not when we don’t. The resistance in the room may prevent good work from happening. If you are not the one who wants to be in the counselling room, perhaps taking sometime first, to determine what it is that you would like, would be a good option. If you would like support in deciding on what you would like, counselling may be beneficial as a very brief support.

  1. Know that things only change when you work at them

Just because you have decided to go to counselling, does not mean that the hard work is done. While the counselling session may indeed be a lot of work, and perhaps takes a lot out of you, it is the content of your sessions that will need to be contemplated, reviewed, tried and reassessed throughout the time in between your sessions and after. Just as you have to work hard in your job to grow, learn and move forward, so too is the perspective in counselling. But you know you can do it, it is part of the reason why you came to counselling – to make a change for the better in your life. Believe in yourself that the hard work is worth it and you will see the results.

If you are interested in beginning counselling, please feel free to contact me. I am happy to provide a 15-minute free consultation over the phone to help you determine if I am the right fit for you.